Thursday, March 6, 2014

Life sucks sometimes

I have to be honest here, life has been giving me a hell of a beating lately.  Without going into too much detail, it's been a domino effect of one bad thing after another and I just can't seem to catch a break or come up for air.  My days of late have been filled with stress, frustration, anger, a heavy heart and a generous amount of crying thrown in.  All I want to do sometimes is lock myself in my room and curl up in a ball on my bed.

Today I just felt so weighed down by it all.  My body felt so heavy with the burden of everything and I felt like I couldn't breathe.  Usually, a good crying session helps get it all off my chest but I am so, so tired of crying. I just didn't have the strength for it anymore. I needed air.  I needed to feel strong again.  I needed to feel free. So I laced up my running shoes and headed down my hill to the track.

My first lap was slow. My legs and feet were understandably heavy given the 50+ miles I logged on them this past weekend.  But I pushed forward, one foot in front of the other.  My mind was going into overdrive thinking about anything and everything, some thoughts welcome and some not so much. By the third lap my pace picked up, my stride found a rhythm and mind started to go into my running "zone".  After the first mile my mind was zoned in and my thoughts were in the blissful "white noise" stage where my focus was on nothing but moving forward.  My music was the sound of my breathing and my footsteps hitting the track.  I continued on like this, lap after lap, my body moving forward, one foot in front of the other. Four miles later I stopped with a smile on my face.  It was a small smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.

As I walked back up to my apartment from the track, my thoughts turned to a feeling of gratefulness for what I do have in my life.  I am grateful for amazing friends and family who support and encourage me though good times and bad.  I am grateful for the people that I have met and the impact that they have made.  I am grateful for the amazing running community that has become my family.  I am grateful for love and my heart is filled with happiness to see so many in my life who love openly and unselfishly. I am grateful for the roof over my head, the food in my belly and for the amazing area that I'm blessed to live in.  I am grateful for my health and a body that is strong.  But most of all, I am grateful for running and everything that it has given me.  It is my joy, my therapy, my release, my zen.  No matter what else may happen and whatever other curveballs life may throw my way, that will always be my constant for as long as I am able.  I will always run.

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